To PA,

I really hope you see this,
I honestly can’t believe I let the one guy I’ve loved for over 3 years slip out of my hands. I don’t know what feeling cAn be worse then this right now, it’s unreal and I’m hoping i never really upset him like that and sent those stupid texts that should have never been sent and I’m hoping I would wake up from this nightmare but now I don’t think I will. I don’t know why everything hits me so late, why can’t I realize this is wrong before sending it. Just the heat of the moment gets to me and it’s an emotional roller coaster of unnecessary thoughts. You have been loyal to me and very respectful and The shit I did I never thought I’d wind up doing to the person I love in a million years so I see how much I’ve change but I wish I knew why and wish I could have stopped that. In the end it’s my fault and I’m the one who needed to get your trust and love back to how it was since December 4th 2009 the first day we started going out. Much has changed since then and I should have kept up with it. I’m not trying to send a sob story or doing this to make you feel bad for me but I’m doing this to show you I know I’m in the wrong and I just need to get this out. The words that were said yesterday were so painful and very hard to handle but everything you said was true. Lately ive worked on myself to end that shit I did in the past and I’m proud of myself that I’m doing a good job at it and handling situations more wise like my first situation since then telling that person I was seeing someone obv ur thinking well duh you should always do that but giving out my number was completely wrong of me. I guess for me before i didn’t realize the extend of my consequences before that shit was done and I can’t believe it took so long to realize. I took every situation for granted and I took ur trust for granted which should not be played with. I had to learn the hard way now because I lost the guy that I confided in, the guy who I ran to for comfort, the guy who still thought I was beautiful when I had no makeup on, the guy who knows everything about me, my bestfriend, my wrestling partner, my supporter, my comedian, but most importantly the guy who did love me from day 1. No one said love would be easy but I thought otherwise, that’s a big mistake I wish I can take back. I still have everything you gave me because it’s too sentimental to just throw out. As much as your heart is ripped apart, I managed to rip mine apart as well. It’s so hard to even think about never seeing you and your smile, laying in ur arms, laughing with you, cuddling, talking, texting or waking up next to you again. We’ve talked about so many things for the future and it sounded amazing, I wouldn’t wish for anything more and now thinking of another future without my bestfriend is like impossible. So I hope you forgive me one day for being such a shitty gf =( you meant the world to me and more and now all I want is to see you happy again. I love you, I mean it since the day I told you so and i still do now, nothing has changed that. AND IM SORRY, for everything.